Make sure to listen with an open mind

When you’ve asked your friend how they’re doing, make sure to take what they say seriously and don’t interrupt or rush the conversation. Don’t judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence. If they’re struggling to articulate their thoughts, encourage them to explain and ask “How are you feeling about that?” or “How long have you felt that way?”.
Show that you’ve listened by repeating back what you’ve heard (in your own words) and ask if you have understood them properly. They’ll appreciate that you’ve been there to listen to their feelings.

Encourage action

Now that you’ve listened and validated how your friend is feeling, you may think “now what?”. It can be confronting to hear that a friend or a loved one is struggling, but you can help encourage action so that they can work through how they’re feeling.

You can start by asking:

• Ask: “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
• Ask: “How would you like me to support you?”
• Ask: “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
• You could say: “When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this… You might find it useful too.”

R U OK? suggests that if your friend has been feeling really down for more than two weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You could say, “It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I’m happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to.”
Be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times. They’re there to help!

Knowing when experts are needed

Some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. If someone’s been really low for more than two weeks – or is at risk – please contact a professional as soon as you can.
If you’re worried that your friend may hurt themselves or you’re concerned about their safety, there’s things you can do to help. R U OK? provide a great overview of resources here to help you ask and take action if you think a friend may intend to hurt themselves. In an emergency, always call 000.

Follow up & Check in

Give your friend some time to take a beat and let them know that you’re there for them. It can help to pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they’re really struggling, follow up with them sooner. You could say: “I’ve been thinking of you and wanted to know how you’ve been going since we last chatted.” They’ll appreciate the message.
Ask if they’ve found a new way to manage the situation. If they haven’t done anything, don’t judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment and need a friend to lean on. Stay in touch and be there for them – genuine care and concern can make a real difference.

Unwinding and looking after yourself

Big conversations like this can be a lot to mentally take on, that’s normal. Make sure to take some time for yourself to unwind and debrief. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so do something for you that’s your kind of self-care.